First of all I want to thank you for opening this space for people who, like me, get beat up by life. In my case life has slapped me in the face in the shape of the Erie Canal. Dearest Ms.Esmeralda, help! After a long relationship with a Latin macho man I decided to give myself sometime until at a Roller Skating Rink I met a wonderful man named Hector. Hector was a great man, he showered me with gifts, loving e-mails with beautiful words. He made me feel like his queen. everything was very beautiful until Hector started behaving like a stranger. In the beginning I would blame myself for his indifference, but after thinking about the subject over and over again I contemplated the possibility of Hector being unfaithful to me. Would Hector be capable of running this love over like a public bus driver?
Finally I decided to follow him one night to his job, since he would never take me there claiming that the animal market was a very dangerous place (There were days where Hector would tell me of how a loose crocodile once devoured another dealer's wife who went to her husband's job because she didn't trust him.)
Anyway Hector hailed a cab on the corner and I followed him in the next taxi that I could find. When I finally arrived to his destination, one thought came into my mind: This is not an animal market place, this is a night club! Hector went in with the familiarity of one who works there. There was a sailor-like party. When I tried to get in the party the bouncers wouldn't let me in, so I had to tell them I was Hector's girlfriend. They smiled in disbelief, but let me in. I started looking for my man among the darkness when the speakers announced the main attraction for the night: Hercules, the man with the insatiable anus.
The public went crazy with the grotesque announcement. Just imagine my surprise to see my Hector with a Roman cape on a stage introducing all sorts of objects like golf balls, revolvers, yo-yos, vegetables, cigar holder cases and lastly the stage assistant's enormous cock. I left and I never told Hector about these findings, but I think his disinterest is because I may not fill all his expectations since I've never even put my pinky finger in his ass.
Is it possible that anal sex will be the answer to my concerns?
Att: Análoge girlfriend.
Dear Anal,
Is it me or are you like the most adorable in denial fag hag in your world. You haven't been very keen on all the gay parading going on in front of you? I mean are you really as sharp as a bowling ball thinking Hector's purple Barney dinosaur Roman cape routine is anything but gay activity? Perhaps you should let Hector stick your head up his ass, this will afford you a bird's eye view and fill his insatiable cavernous cavity. Your boyfriend Hector is a homosexual and quite possible more gay than even Kenny Chesney. Don't sacrifice your dignity and pretend the Great Wall Of Hector is anything but abnormal. Don't go away from Hector hurt, mad or sad, just go away...
Esmeralda
Dear Hector's Girlfriend,
I'm not sure I buy Esmeralda's point of view on Hector, why don't you go to the nearest sex shop and buy a telephone pole size strap on toy and answer your Hector's calling of The Guinness World Book of Sodomy? Hector could just be the anti-macho Latin man who is in touch with his feminine side. Seriously, why don't you stick your wet index finger in his Hector's three car garage butt hole the next time you two have sex? You can slowly work your hand into a crane head shape as you bring both you and him to a closer bedroom chemistry.
I have a hunch that Hector will trust you and let go but, I guess this type of sexual fulfillment is up to you...
Signor Guadalupe
Dear Anal,
Signor Guadalupe is a very optimistic fag himself, if you go to the sex shop, don't bye a strap on, see if the store clerk will sell you the store's mandatory fire extinguisher. It may seem a bit too cumbersome, but Hector seems to be no stranger to ass stretching. Honey, Hector is a homosexual, You're going to have to face this shit sooner or later, no pun intended...
Love, Esmeralda
Dear Hector's Girlfriend,
I love Esmeralda, but she is short sighted on this matter. In the Eskimo language, there are 21 different definitions to describe snow. In the English language you have three definitions to describe our sexuality, you're either straight, gay or bisexual. We as humans are much more dynamic than the simplicity of being pigeon holed into one explicit category. That's why there are chicks with dicks, because some men don't want to be with a hairy bearded lumber jack with sweaty testicles, some men, want a sexy feminine Marilyn Monroe she-male with a cock the size of a Jimmy Dean sausage.
Different strokes for different folks, you have to ask your self are you afraid to roll up your sleeves at little and get some corn on your hand, or in your case your forearm or are you wanting a more conservative George W. Bush type tight ass?
Good luck to you Hector's Girlfriend,
Signor Guadalupe
Dear Anal,
If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, then it's probably a very gay duck. Don't be such a dumb broad and read too deep into this. Hector is a gay man.
Esmeralda
Dear Hector's Girlfriend,
Sigmund Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", You need to understand, you may have a very straight Anal Captain for a boyfriend. If you love him, approach him on this subject. If he loves you he should come clean about his rambunctious rectum recreations...
Signor Guadalupe
Finally I decided to follow him one night to his job, since he would never take me there claiming that the animal market was a very dangerous place (There were days where Hector would tell me of how a loose crocodile once devoured another dealer's wife who went to her husband's job because she didn't trust him.)
Anyway Hector hailed a cab on the corner and I followed him in the next taxi that I could find. When I finally arrived to his destination, one thought came into my mind: This is not an animal market place, this is a night club! Hector went in with the familiarity of one who works there. There was a sailor-like party. When I tried to get in the party the bouncers wouldn't let me in, so I had to tell them I was Hector's girlfriend. They smiled in disbelief, but let me in. I started looking for my man among the darkness when the speakers announced the main attraction for the night: Hercules, the man with the insatiable anus.
The public went crazy with the grotesque announcement. Just imagine my surprise to see my Hector with a Roman cape on a stage introducing all sorts of objects like golf balls, revolvers, yo-yos, vegetables, cigar holder cases and lastly the stage assistant's enormous cock. I left and I never told Hector about these findings, but I think his disinterest is because I may not fill all his expectations since I've never even put my pinky finger in his ass.
Is it possible that anal sex will be the answer to my concerns?
Att: Análoge girlfriend.
Dear Anal,
Is it me or are you like the most adorable in denial fag hag in your world. You haven't been very keen on all the gay parading going on in front of you? I mean are you really as sharp as a bowling ball thinking Hector's purple Barney dinosaur Roman cape routine is anything but gay activity? Perhaps you should let Hector stick your head up his ass, this will afford you a bird's eye view and fill his insatiable cavernous cavity. Your boyfriend Hector is a homosexual and quite possible more gay than even Kenny Chesney. Don't sacrifice your dignity and pretend the Great Wall Of Hector is anything but abnormal. Don't go away from Hector hurt, mad or sad, just go away...
Esmeralda
Dear Hector's Girlfriend,
I'm not sure I buy Esmeralda's point of view on Hector, why don't you go to the nearest sex shop and buy a telephone pole size strap on toy and answer your Hector's calling of The Guinness World Book of Sodomy? Hector could just be the anti-macho Latin man who is in touch with his feminine side. Seriously, why don't you stick your wet index finger in his Hector's three car garage butt hole the next time you two have sex? You can slowly work your hand into a crane head shape as you bring both you and him to a closer bedroom chemistry.
I have a hunch that Hector will trust you and let go but, I guess this type of sexual fulfillment is up to you...
Signor Guadalupe
Dear Anal,
Signor Guadalupe is a very optimistic fag himself, if you go to the sex shop, don't bye a strap on, see if the store clerk will sell you the store's mandatory fire extinguisher. It may seem a bit too cumbersome, but Hector seems to be no stranger to ass stretching. Honey, Hector is a homosexual, You're going to have to face this shit sooner or later, no pun intended...
Love, Esmeralda
Dear Hector's Girlfriend,
I love Esmeralda, but she is short sighted on this matter. In the Eskimo language, there are 21 different definitions to describe snow. In the English language you have three definitions to describe our sexuality, you're either straight, gay or bisexual. We as humans are much more dynamic than the simplicity of being pigeon holed into one explicit category. That's why there are chicks with dicks, because some men don't want to be with a hairy bearded lumber jack with sweaty testicles, some men, want a sexy feminine Marilyn Monroe she-male with a cock the size of a Jimmy Dean sausage.
Different strokes for different folks, you have to ask your self are you afraid to roll up your sleeves at little and get some corn on your hand, or in your case your forearm or are you wanting a more conservative George W. Bush type tight ass?
Good luck to you Hector's Girlfriend,
Signor Guadalupe
Dear Anal,
If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, then it's probably a very gay duck. Don't be such a dumb broad and read too deep into this. Hector is a gay man.
Esmeralda
Dear Hector's Girlfriend,
Sigmund Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", You need to understand, you may have a very straight Anal Captain for a boyfriend. If you love him, approach him on this subject. If he loves you he should come clean about his rambunctious rectum recreations...
Signor Guadalupe
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