In Love or In Denial....

Dearest Esmeralda and Guadalupe,

Hello from Louisville, KY. I'm an a 47 year old Southern gal who stumbled across your magazine/blog. You are a very funny woman Esmeralda, my kind of woman. Signor Guadalupe; you are a good hearted man. I bet you look like Mr. French from "A Family Affairs" with the late Brian Keith. You seem so sweet and articulated, are you sure you are a homosexual?

The reason for my letter is that I wanted to get your opinion. I am very very much in love with one of the "Good Ole Boys" type of a man also from Kentucky, actually Lexington, KY. My darling 51 year old boyfriend is named Kent. Kent and I have been dating on and off for about 2.5 years. The problem is that I am in love with a man who claims he loves me, but he says he is not "in love" with me. He says he loves me a lot.

I'm not getting younger Esmeralda and Signor Guadalupe, what is your advice in as far as a Southern Maiden is concerned? Do I turn up the Southern Belle heat; wear shoes to bed and sexy long nails, make up, etc? Do I play hard to get? Do I flirt with his friends to create a sense of jealousy? I'd love both of your opinions and await with total anticipation.

Unsure In KY

Dear Unsure in KY,

If your man cunt, I mean Kent doesn't recognize you for your love no matter how much you say you love him, there is a deeper problem than wearing higher heels, longer eye lashes and bigger better blows jobs. There is nothing in the world more bombastic than when a man tries to change his woman. I hate the men who try to make their women get bigger tits because she doesn't look like a Pamela Lee Anderson. I hate the men who feel that a woman's place is at home or that her significance is relevent only to some culture that pre-dates the dinosaurs. Babydoll, you don't have to change, not now, not ever... Remember, there is someone special for everyone.

Most Sincerely,

Esmeralda Malvada

Dearest Unsure in KY,

Well to answer your question in as far as me being gay, I'd love a huge cock in my ice cream sundae, does that answer your question on my sexuality? As for Mr French on Family Affair, you are dating yourself with that television show, and the fact that I know which show you are talking about dates me too. No my friend, I don't look anything like Mr French.

I've been thinking about your letter all week and I must confess I need to set the record straight on my thoughts. The term "In Love", it sounds all well and good, but what does "In Love" mean to me? It's not meaning you love someone who doesn't love you back the way you want to be loved.

To be "In Love" two people gay or straight have to have mutual feelings for each other. To be "In Love" means one person says I love you and the other person wants that love and reflects back the same "I love you". This implies "In love status". To love someone who doesn't love you back can not be construed as "In love" I write silly answers to a lot of these letters, but I seriously want to set the record straight. Ms Unsure in KY, you are not "In Love". You may love Kent, but he doesn't love you back. Consider your time left on Earth, do you want to be in a relationship settling for good when there may be great out there? Use Kent for what he is capable of giving, but understand when you grow in love, not fall in love... you won't need advice from us to answer your heart.

Warm Thoughts for you,

Signor Guadalupe Oreja